You know that feeling when everything seems fine on the surface, but something’s… off?
Patrick Lencioni calls it “artificial harmony,” and I’ve seen it play out in dental practices in two very different ways. Both are equally damaging, and both stem from the same root problem: we’re so terrified of conflict that we’ll do almost anything to avoid it.
The “We’re a Family” Façade
The first scenario is the practice where the owners constantly push the “we’re all family here” narrative. Team meetings are peppered with forced positivity and team-building exercises that feel more like box-ticking than genuine connection. But here’s the thing – underneath all that glossy harmony, there’s often a passive-aggressive undercurrent. Speak up about something that genuinely concerns you? You might not get fired, but you’ll certainly pay for it emotionally. Maybe it’s the cold shoulder for a few days, or being left out of important decisions, or that subtle shift in how you’re treated.
This isn’t family. This is control dressed up as care.
The “This Doesn’t Happen Here” Culture
The second scenario is trickier because it starts from a genuinely good place. You’ve built a brilliant team culture – supportive, positive, everyone genuinely looking out for each other. Then conflict hits. Maybe it’s a disagreement about a new protocol, or tension about workload distribution, or someone struggling with a team member’s behaviour. And the response? Shock. Disbelief. “We don’t have these problems. This doesn’t happen here. This CAN’T happen here.”
The team is so invested in their positive culture that conflict feels like failure. So they smooth it over, sweep it under the rug, and hope it goes away.
Here’s What I Want to Challenge You On
If you’re a practice owner reading this, I want you to sit with an uncomfortable question: when was the last time someone on your team genuinely disagreed with you about something important?
If you can’t remember, that’s not necessarily a sign of a great team. It might be a sign of a problem you’re not aware of.
I once heard on a podcast that for a boss or manager, positive feedback is meaningless, no feedback is concerning, and negative feedback is powerful. Think about that. If no one’s ever pushing back, if no one’s ever challenging an idea, if everyone just nods and agrees – what does that really tell you?
Think about successful marriages you know. The couples who’ve been together for decades and are genuinely happy. How often do you hear them reflect on the tough times they’ve overcome together? The conflicts they worked through?
Most of us realise that marriage with zero conflict isn’t realistic. You’ve got two people with different thoughts, dreams, levels of self-awareness, expectations, perceptions and communication styles trying to build a life together. Of course there’s going to be friction sometimes. What makes them successful isn’t the absence of conflict – it’s how they move through it, resolve things, and come out stronger on the other side.
So why do we think a dental practice team would be any different? You’ve got multiple people, each with their own perspectives and needs, trying to work together effectively. Conflict isn’t a sign that something’s wrong. The absence of conflict might be.
Productive conflict isn’t about fighting or drama. It’s about:
- Being genuinely open to others’ ideas and thoughts, not just waiting for your turn to speak
- Approaching disagreements with curiosity, in a mode of discovery rather than defence
- Seeing different opinions as quality data that feeds into better final decisions
- Letting go of needing a particular outcome (because if you’re attached to one specific result, you’ll manipulate the process to get there, often without even realising you’re doing it, and you’ll shut down creativity and possibly even better solutions)
- Striving for win-wins wherever possible
- Encouraging the people involved to come up with their own solutions while you facilitate
- Practicing and fostering effective communication across the board
- Creating team agreements about what productive conflict looks like in your practice
When the Great Culture Hits a Bump
If you’re in that second scenario – the practice with the genuinely great culture that’s now facing conflict for the first time – here’s what helps: see it as a reminder. A reminder not to take the positives in each other for granted. A reminder that even when things usually go well, you still need to keep maintaining and building those firm foundations of great team culture: caring, communication, and purpose.
See it as a team-building project. Or better yet, a team re-building project.
Sometimes we avoid conflict so fiercely that important truths remain hidden. And then one day, they spill out, often with consequences far worse than if we’d addressed them earlier.
The discomfort we feel around conflict? That’s not because conflict is inherently bad. It’s because we think we’re not good at handling it. But here’s the irony – avoiding conflict is exactly what makes the inevitable conflict, when it finally comes, so much harder to manage.
Productive conflict is truth. It’s growth. It’s the path to becoming a stronger team.
So here’s my challenge to you: don’t avoid conflict. Create the conditions where your team feels safe enough to disagree, to push back, to share uncomfortable truths. Because if you’re not seeing any conflict at all, that might be the biggest red flag of all.