Team bonding days are a wonderful thing. Whether it’s a cooking class or a painting afternoon. These experiences do something genuinely valuable. They remind us that the person next to us at the dental chair is a whole human being. They remind us that we actually like each other. And that matters more than people give it credit for.
But here’s something I’ve been considering lately, prompted by the work of author Jon Gordon. There’s a difference between bonding and connecting. And in dental practices, we often do one very well, and miss the other entirely.
I’ll start with a personal context first. Think about date nights. Couples who are intentional about their relationship make time for them, and rightly so. But does a dinner out necessarily help you understand your partner at a deeper level? Does it tell you what shaped them, what they’re most proud of, what keeps them up at night? Not always. Date nights are bonding. Enjoyable and necessary. But connection is something else.
Here is the shift. I want to invite you to try something. Think about the person closest to you. Your partner, your spouse, one of your children. Can you answer these five questions about them?
- Who is their hero?
- What hardship have they faced that was a defining moment in their life?
- What’s a highlight they’re truly proud of?
- What do they hope for?
- What makes them laugh – really laugh?
Not knowing the answers isn’t a reflection on your relationship or your care for that person. Not at all. But it does highlight something interesting. Even the people closest to us can hold depths we haven’t yet explored. And when we do, something shifts in how we see and support each other.
Now imagine asking those same questions within your dental team.
Those five questions are part of Jon Gordon’s brilliant work, the “5 H’s” – Hero, Hardship, Highlight, Hope, and Hilarious – featured in his book, The 7 Commitments of a Great Team. It’s a beautifully simple exercise, and I’ve been thinking about what it could look like inside a practice.
We talk a lot in practice management about building a positive team culture – respect, caring, psychological safety. These are exactly the right things to aim for. But they can feel quite vague and broad. Connection gives culture its texture. When you know that your front desk coordinator’s hero is her grandmother who raised six children on her own, you understand something about what drives her. You stop seeing a role and start seeing a person. And that changes how you show up for each other.
So how might you actually do this? You could use one of your regular staff meetings for it. Swap the agenda for the 5 H’s and give that time a completely different feel. Set the intention upfront that what’s shared in the room stays in the room, and make it clear that anyone is welcome to skip a question they’d rather not answer – there’s no pressure here, and no question is compulsory. This matters. People are more likely to open up when they know they genuinely have a choice.
As the practice owner or manager, go first. When the person at the top of the team is willing to be human and a little vulnerable, it gives everyone else permission to do the same. If you have a larger team, spread it across a few sessions – two or three people at a time works beautifully. What matters is that everyone eventually gets their turn. Or, you could focus on one question at a time.
When we truly connect with the people we work alongside, something quite remarkable becomes available to us. We become more patient with each other, because we understand a little more about what someone is carrying. We become more generous, because we know what lights the other person up. We communicate better, because we’ve already practiced being real with each other. And when things get tough – and in every practice, things do get tough sometimes – we don’t retreat into our corners. We lean in. That’s what connection makes possible.