Get in touch
Get in touch

The Three Ways We Treat Patients (And Why Only One Actually Works)

One of the reasons I love the Christmas break is the time I get for reading and contemplation. I recently finished Dr Bryan Laskin’s book, The Patient Manifesto. There’s a chapter called “The Mindset Shift” where he talks about the difference between apathy, empathy, and compassion in healthcare. As I read it, I kept seeing the faces of dental practice teams we work with. Some are running themselves into the ground trying to care for everyone. Others have become so transactional that patients feel like they’re just another number. And a few, the really special ones, have found that sweet spot in the middle.

Here’s what struck me: in my years working in and later consulting with dental practices across Australia, I’ve seen both extremes cause real harm. And I’ve realised that most of us don’t even know we’re doing it.

So let me share what I’ve observed, both from Dr Laskin’s work and from sitting in dental practices watching how teams interact with patients every single day for the past 38 years.

The Two Extremes (And Why Both Fail)

Let’s start with what these three approaches actually look like in a dental practice.

Apathy: “I’m Only Here for the Tooth”

Apathy looks like:

I worked with a practice recently where emergency patients were routinely charged for an emergency consultation plus treatment, even when the ‘treatment’ was a quick polish and smooth taking less than 10 minutes. The patient walked out with a $120 bill for what felt like nothing, despite being a patient of the clinic with the previous owner for 30 years.

The dentist wasn’t trying to rip anyone off. They simply weren’t stepping into the patient’s shoes enough to see how this felt. They were charging by category (emergency + treatment) rather than considering the actual value delivered or complexity of the work.

The practice was efficient and profitable in the short term. But some loyal patients weren’t returning. Word spread. The overcharging born from apathy had the potential to kill the practice slowly.

Empathy: “I Feel Everything You Feel”

Empathy looks like:

At another practice, the principal dentist was beloved by patients but slowly burning out. She spent 45 minutes on appointments scheduled for 30, offered extensive treatment plans when simple solutions would work, and regularly discounted or waived fees when she sensed financial stress.

“I can’t charge her the full amount, she’s a single mum,” she’d say. Or “He’s been coming here for years, I’ll just write off the exam fee.”

Her heart was in the right place. But she was absorbing patients’ financial anxiety as her own. The practice was running at a loss on many appointments, her team couldn’t keep to schedule, and she was exhausted. She was so busy feeling her patients’ problems that she couldn’t run a sustainable business.

Why Both Extremes Cost You (And Your Patients)

Here’s the thing about these two extremes: they both lead to the same place eventually. A practice that can’t sustain itself.

Apathy creates overcharging that:

Empathy creates undercharging that:

Both paths are exhausting. One dies from lack of patients, the other from lack of resources and energy.

The Third Way: Compassion

So what’s the alternative?

Compassion is understanding your patient’s situation clearly (the empathy part) while responding rationally and appropriately within proper boundaries (the wisdom part).

But here’s what really clicked for me: compassion requires absolute clarity about who is responsible for what.

The Responsibility Framework

Apathy says: “I’m only responsible for the technical procedure. Everything else is your problem.”

This is abandonment disguised as professionalism.

Empathy says: “I’m responsible for your anxiety, your financial stress, your decision-making, your outcomes, your circumstances, and your entire oral health journey.”

This is co-dependency disguised as caring.

Compassion says: “I’m responsible for providing excellent clinical care, accurate information, professional guidance, and creating an environment where you can make informed decisions. You’re responsible for choosing your treatment, maintaining your oral health, and managing your own circumstances. We’re partners in your care.”

This is partnership based on mutual respect.

What This Looks Like in Practice

Let me give you the same scenario handled three different ways.

Emergency patient comes in with a tooth that has a very minor chip:

Apathy approach:

“That’ll be $120, emergency consult plus treatment.” (No explanation, no consideration of value delivered, patient feels ripped off)

Empathy approach:

“I can see you’re stressed about money, so I’ll just charge you for smoothing the rough edge, not the consultation. Don’t worry about it.” (Takes on patient’s financial responsibility, practice loses money, creates unrealistic expectations)

Compassion approach:

“Let me explain what we’ve done. I spent 10 minutes examining your tooth and smoothed down the sharp edge. That’s $75, the emergency consultation covers my diagnostic time and the minor adjustment. If we’d needed to do a filling or more extensive work, we would have discussed costs before proceeding. Does that make sense?”

See the difference? The compassionate approach:

The Boundaries Question

Here’s another way to think about it:

Empathy has few or no boundaries:

Apathy has too many boundaries:

Compassion has professional boundaries:

Building Trust Through Genuine Interest

Now, here’s something important: you can have perfect boundaries and still fail at compassionate care if there’s no genuine human connection.

Compassion isn’t cold professionalism. It’s warm, interested, engaged care within appropriate boundaries.

The practices that get this right ask questions like:

These questions do something powerful. They:

Compare that to:

Apathy: “You need four fillings. Here’s the cost. Let me know when you want to book.” (Dumps information and walks away)

Empathy: “Oh you poor thing, this must be overwhelming! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything for you.” (Takes over, creates dependency)

Building Your Compassion Muscle

Practising effective compassion requires self-awareness and strong communication skills. This is an area of continual improvement.

Practice being a good listener, consider which questions will help you understand your patient, express yourself clearly while guiding the path forward, and help patients take appropriate responsibility for their oral health.

How to Know Where You Are

Ask yourself these questions:

“Whose problem am I solving right now?”

“If I did this with every patient, would my practice thrive?”

“Does this fee reflect what we actually did?”

Where to From Here

I’m not saying this is easy. Finding the balance between apathy and empathy, landing in that compassionate middle ground, takes awareness and practice.

But I truly believe it’s the only sustainable path forward.

So here’s my challenge to you: Look at your practice honestly.

There’s no judgement here. I’ve seen brilliant clinicians at both extremes, and they’re usually there for good reasons. But both paths lead to the same place: unsustainable practices, exhausted practitioners and dissatisfied patients.

The compassionate middle ground is where you, your team, and your patients all thrive.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER